It's all an urban myth, I think.

Anyhow, Genie, your angel has provided me with a clue to reconcile the duality of Santa celebrations I am now talking about in another thread.

Jacek

• He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
  Joseph Romm, Washington

• She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
  Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station

• The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
  Russell Beland, Springfield

• McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
  Paul Sabourin, Silver Spring

• From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
  Roy Ashley, Washington

• Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
  Chuck Smith, Woodbridge

• Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
  Russell Beland, Springfield

• Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake
  Ken Krattenmaker, Landover Hills

• Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
  Unknown

• He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
  Jack Bross, Chevy Chase

• The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
  Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring

• Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
  Russell Beland, Springfield

• Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
  Jennifer Hart, Arlington

http://paul.merton.ox.ac.uk/language/analogies.html

Nanna

Anyway, I thought I'd post this pareil tale of bridled passion.

How I met my wife
by Jack Winter
Published 25 July 1994 - The New Yorker

It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate.

I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way.

I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I'd have to make bones about it since I was travelling cognito. Beknownst to me, the hostess, whom I could see both hide and hair of, was very proper, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened. And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn't be peccable. Only toward and heard-of behavior would do.

Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata or a sung hero were slim. I was, after all, something to sneeze at, someone you could easily hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused bridled passion.

So I decided not to risk it. But then, all at once, for some apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in a way that I could make heads and tails of.

I was plussed. It was concerting to see that she was communicado, and it nerved me that she was interested in a pareil like me, sight seen. Normally, I had a domitable spirit, but, being corrigible, I felt capacitated -- as if this were something I was great shakes at -- and forgot that I had succeeded in situations like this only a told number of times. So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings.

Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had no time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous. Wanting to make only called-for remarks, I started talking about the hors d'oeuvres, trying to abuse her of the notion that I was sipid, and perhaps even bunk a few myths about myself.

She responded well, and I was mayed that she considered me a savory character who was up to some good. She told me who she was. "What a perfect nomer," I said, advertently. The conversation become more and more choate, and we spoke at length to much avail. But I was defatigable, so I had to leave at a godly hour. I asked if she wanted to come with me. To my delight, she was committal. We left the party together and have been together ever since. I have given her my love, and she has requited it.

http://paul.merton.ox.ac.uk/language/gruntled.html

Nanna

Jews in China

Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.
"Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?"
"I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"
"I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Al asked.
"I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews."
"Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."
"Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange jews, prune jews, tomato jews and grape jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese jews!"

Sleeping Arrangements

A lawyer a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.
The farmer said "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."
"No problem," chimed the Rabbi, "My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening. With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.
Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door, there stood the Rabbi from the barn.
"What's wrong?" asked the farmer.
He replied, "I am grateful to you , but I can't sleep in the barn.
There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."
His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes late the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door,
"What's wrong, now?" the farmer asks.
The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for your helping us out but there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"
Well, that leaves only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn.
Yep, you guessed it! Moments later there was another knock on the farmers door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.

Middle East Tensions

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off a little Jewish guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a Coke."
"No problem," said the Jew. "I'll get it for you."
While he was gone the Arab picked up the Jew's shoe and spit in it.
When the Jew returned with the Coke, other Arab said, "That looks good...
Think I'll have one too."
Again, the Jew obligingly went to fetch it, and while he was gone the Arab picked up the other shoe and spit in it.
The Jew returned with the Coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight.
As the plane was landing the Jew slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.
"How long must this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our peoples.....this hatred ... this spitting in shoes and peeing in Cokes?"

Cohen had been in business for many years and his business was going down the drain and was full of debt. He was seriously contemplating suicide and he didn't know what to do. So he went to his Rabbi to seek advice. He told the Rabbi about all of his problems in business and asked the Rabbi what he should do.
The Rabbi said "Take a beach chair and a bible and put them in your car and drive down to the edge of the ocean. Go to the water's edge. Take the beach chair out of the car, sit on it and take the Bible out and open it up. The wind will rifle the pages for a while and eventually the Bible will stay open at a particular page. Read the Bible and it will tell you what to do."
The man did as he is told. He placed a beach chair and a Bible in his car and drove down to the beach. He sat on the chair at the water's edge and opened the Bible. The wind rifled the pages of the Bible and then stopped at a particular page. He looked down at the Bible and knew immediately what he had to do.
Three months later the man and his family came back to see the Rabbi. The man was wearing a $1,000 Italian suit, his wife was all decked out with a full-length mink coat and the child was dressed in beautiful silk. The man handed the Rabbi a thick envelope full of money and told him that he wants to donate this money to the temple in order to thank the Rabbi for his wonderful advice.
The Rabbi was delighted. He recognizes the man and asked him what advice in the bible brought this good fortune to him.
The man replies: "Chapter 11."
http://www.harryc.com/j-jokes902.htm

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/arts/AP-TV-Campaign-Comedy.html

''Today Barack Obama campaigned in Florida and Virginia. And McCain campaigned in two states: panic and desperation.'' -- David Letterman, CBS' ''Late Show.''

''Actually, there is a good chance that we could go to bed tomorrow night and not know who's running the country. Just like it's been for the last eight years.'' -- Jay Leno, NBC's ''Tonight Show.''